42 days, 5 hours, 10 min, 18 sec. That was how long ago I left CA. No please don't mistake my knowledge of this info as me counting the days every day. I know this merely because I know that I left at 2pm on a Sunday 7 weeks ago. But man, what a seven weeks it has been. Where do I even begin to write about the lessons that I have learned during these weeks. I have, in previous posts, written about many of the things that God has taught me. He has not stopped. Not even close. Rather, God is using this time in my life to force me to grow. I commented to my mom the other day that I feel like I have grown more and matured more in my faith in the last seven weeks then throughout my four years of college. As I thought more about this statement, I realized that though this is probably not the actual case, it does seem that way. At least I feel as though I have grown more in my walk with God in this short time then in any other point in time of this length.
One of the greatest lessons that God is teaching me is the need to bow to him every moment of every day. When I say this I don't mean merely submitting to his lordship and declaring that I will allow him to lead me each day. I mean something much more than this. Such declarations have been common in my life up until this point. Rather, I mean a total submission to God in every aspect of your life. I mean crying out to him to take control and to lead you because you simply cannot lead yourself. It is the recognition in every moment that it is God's hand that is working and that it is God's hand that brings you through. It is waking up in the morning and having the humility to say that you can't make it to work without him. It is making it to work and declaring in truth in your heart that you cannot make it to lunch without him. It is admitting your own weakness and realizing that it is in God alone that your strength exists. I would not venture to state that I have yet achieved my goal of dying to myself daily and living in Christ, but I can say that I know now how crucial doing so is, and that I know each morning the necessity of striving for such a thing. And striving for it I am. Dying to ourselves so that we may live in Christ is not just a statement that we make each morning. It is an action which we commit every moment of the day. I thank God that he is teaching me this.
I have remarked to people on several occasions lately how hard some of this transition has been. And it is true. It has been hell. But it has been good. I would not trade it. I would not trade it for anything. I feel (like my title indicates) a little like I am chillin in the lion's den. What do I mean? I mean that I have already been tossed in, terrified but trusting God, and God has been with me all the time. But I have not been pulled out of the den yet. I am still here, chillin with the lions, but protected and just waiting. God is always faithful. The end.
1 comment:
Zach, this is mom writing from Dad's login as it is hard to switch and time consuming from here. Just read this recent post, thanks for sharing your heart and what God is doing in your life. I think years from now you will look back on these months as SO significant in your growth and learning about intimacy with God. So though it is hard it is SO good. Thanks for your honesty and we continue to pray for you! love, Mom
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